Entry 74: Ain’t Ready

Sudah lama ku meninggalkan blog ini. Dan baru ku tahu ada umat2 yg rajin membaca blog ini rupanya… Oh well. I’m bored at the office. For those who are also bored and just happen to open my blog to read, here’s an update of my oh-so-not-interesting life.

I’m pregnant!

Ok, I’m gonna be brutally honest here and say exactly how I feel about this. I’m not loving it. Why? Because it means a huge change. It means I really have to be a grown up now. And I just realized that I am really not ready to be a grown up. Honestly I wish we have waited longer before getting pregnant. I want to enjoy marriage life, being just two people for maybe 1 or 2 years more. Being pregnant means after 9 months I literally will lose my freedom. And to think I just got it a few months ago 😦  But stupid FB and all those updates by friends about their good news and stupid me for feeling left out. Getting pregnant is a huge ass decision, a huge ass decision I took seconds to make just because I felt ‘left behind’. Stupid stupid.

But oh well. Nasi dah jadi moi. No use crying over spilled milk. *I actually cried my hearts out two months into the pregnancy when morning sickness was particularly baddd and I was so freaking disappointed with myself for getting pregnant when I am oh-so-not-ready* and my husband had no idea why I was crying. Or maybe he did. See, I haven’t even gotten to get to really know my husband and now we’re bringing someone new into our lives, someone who will be stuck with us for the next 18 years, 13 if I’m mean enough to send him/her to a boarding school. Yes, I am terrible. Again, not readyyy.

I wish I can be the wise and caring friend here by saying to other friends out there, Please, think carefully before you get pregnant. Yes it’s a wonderful blessing, one that you should truly count, but will it still be a blessing if you’re always depressed, frustrated and regretful all the while? But I’m not gona say that because you know what, I’m just gona be spiteful and not say that to anyone because I want them to go through it like I did and know and understand for themselves how I feel right now.

Just. Bad.

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~ by shikuzika on November 22, 2010.

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